Archive | BKing

Brian King, LCSW

Your divided attention if you please

Light through a prism is very lovely but it isn’t the most effective use of light if you’re trying to cut something. You need a laser and the only way to achieve that is to focus the light so intensely that it can cut. Our own attention is no different. A phrase my boys hear […]

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Thank you for showing me who you are

Those who know me know that one of my favorite strategies is gratitude. Today I shared with someone how powerful gratitude can be at diffusing your anger when someone insults you. In this case, a young man reported becoming very upset when a friend insulted a sport he really enjoyed participating in. His initial response […]

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We all fall apart sometimes

I had a meltdown yesterday. They don’t happen often these days but when they happen they happen big. In my younger days I would have screamed and said horrible, hurtful things. These days, I collapse into tears, like yesterday. The reality is that each day is very hard for me. My ADHD and Dyslexia are […]

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Do you want respect with that?

In our increasingly automated, drive through world the experience of customer service is a dying art. More often these days we’re asked “Do you want fries with that?” by someone stuck in a scripted hamster wheel hell. At our local grocery store we hear the same questions each and every time, “Did you find everything […]

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You have permission to learn

I had an interesting conversation this weekend with a group of parents and educators. We discussed the consequences of parents rescuing their children so much that they raise their children to be helpless. One person remarked that parents need to give themselves permission to allow their children to fail. I took it a step further […]

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How we teach people with disabilities NOT to succeed

By the reckoning of some I am a failure. Why? Simply because I use accommodations in my every day life. I use a Kindle Fire HD to read books to me, and a text to voice feature on my computer to read my email. I take medication for my ADHD without which I’d be mentally […]

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Something you forgot to tell me

Do you know someone who expects you to read his mind and then gets mad at you when you repeatedly fail to do so? Yeah, me too. So what do you do with a person like this? Here’s a quick suggestion. Keep in mind that people in general are socialized to use a lot of […]

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You may keep your gift

I have been told by many that I have the patience of a saint. I’ll let you in on a secret, it isn’t patience. It is simply one of the most profound strategies for setting boundaries that I’ve ever learned. I learned this strategy in one of my favorite stories about the Buddha. It was […]

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A strategy to build confidence

Too often people wait until they receive the approval of a parent, teacher, coworker or friend before allowing themselves to feel that they have done well. This is an unfortunate habit in that it is essentially waiting for permission to feel successful. I suspect we get into this pattern due to the seeking of approval […]

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Thoughts on creating a happier past

The moment after you take your first breath you have a past. Then comes the day you begin judging the quality of your experiences. Far too often unfortunately, the judgment made is that more moments than not are remembered as, “Not good enough.” The greatest power we have is the ability to assign whatever meaning […]

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The choice to be offended

A colleague of mine (Sarah Victory) once said, “I think 10% of the people on the planet were put here just to be offended.” Its amazing how many of my fellow human beings seem to walk around looking for their buttons to be pushed. Do you know anyone like this? I know fewer and fewer […]

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Will you be the first?

People can be so competitive can’t they? Some always shoving to be first in line. People who want to be right, every single time. These firsts can be pretty lonely. The firsts that really matter Who was the first person you thought of this morning? Was it someone who upsets you, or someone you love? Your […]

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Please Expect More Of Me

Have you noticed the various pictures posted around the internet with themes of unconditional acceptance? Pictures that include statements such as “Accept me exactly the way I am” or “I’m perfect just the way I am.” Depending on how you read those statements they can be taken to mean at least one of three things: […]

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Brian King, LCSW

How Praise Can Ruin Your Child’s Life

If you have ever raised a teenager you know what a hormone fueled, supercharged rollercoaster ride of emotional reactivity it can be. Now throw in autism or another developmental challenge and it’s like giving a pyromaniac a box of matches to play with in a room full of high explosives. My then 13 year old […]

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