“The All Powerful King Inside of You”

Inside of you is an “All Powerful King” who is capable of making all of your dreams come true. Whatever you tell him you want with purpose and conviction he will make happen in your life. He has that much power and he resides inside of you right now even as you are reading this article however you must be very careful because he takes whatever you tell him literally, good or bad. So be careful of what you tell him want. He believes what you tell him to be true, even when it isn’t and he can make bad things happen just as well as good things. Good or bad whatever he produces for you he believes it is the right thing for you. He takes everything you say literally.

Does that sound like a fantasy or a crazy story? It isn’t. I am talking about your subconscious mind and what I have described to you is exactly how it works, whether you believe it or not. Very little of what we do we do is at a conscious level. Neuroscientist now know that only about 10% of what we do is at a conscious level and 90% is subconscious. Your subconscious mind controls every aspect and function of your body and mind. Your heart beating right now, the breath you just took, every chemical and hormone being released and used in your body right now is being controlled by your subconscious mind. If you think about it, you will realize how amazing that really is.

Many times the reason you seem to have such a hard time letting go of bad habits is you try to change them at a conscious level and that doesn’t work. Your subconscious mind believes the bad habit is actually good for you and will at some point override your conscious mind. It is how you can rationalize or make excuses for your bad habit. It is the reason for so many years I would lose 50 or 100+ pounds and then I would put the weight back on, even though I didn’t want to. My subconscious mind perceived me as being fat and that being fat was a good thing, even though that sound crazy. That is how you get stuck in such negative patterns in your life and can’t seem to change them.

So, how do you change these negative images and beliefs you have about yourself? Long term change almost never happens at a conscious level. It has to happen at a subconscious level first and then it becomes part of our conscious reality. When I changed the perception of myself from being fat to being thin, then I was able to change myself physically. Change happens from the inside out not the outside in. You have to change the movie that is running all day long inside your head. Your homework today will help you do that and it is simple, easy and fun to do.

Your Daily Homework

Do this exercise every night as you go to sleep.

As you are laying in bed ready to fall asleep close your eyes and visualize exactly how you want your life to be. See it in great detail. Hear the sounds you would hear if it were real and feel all the emotions you would feel. Then fall asleep on that visualization. All night long your subconscious mind will be working on that image you created and as you do it more and more you will begin to make adjustments in your habits , values and beliefs. It is simple and it is very powerful and overtime it can change your life! In Napoleon Hill’s classic book on success, “Think and Grow Rich” he discovered that the most successful people in the world did this every night as they were going to sleep. People like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Alexander Graham Bell, The Wright Brothers and many more did this powerful exercise

So do the exercise every night. You area going to go to sleep anyway and the exercise requires no additional time from your day. How great is that? You are amazing, so do things that help you discover how amazing you are.

Scott Schmaren’s Bio

Scott Schmaren is a nationally known speaker, coach and author. He has spent over 20 years learning powerful success technologies. He has used what he has learned and created to transform his life, losing 180 pounds and maintaining it while rediscovering his vitality. He has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  Oprah said, “If Scott can do it, I can do it and so can you!. Scott’s techniques are being used to increase sales and business, weight management, overcoming obstacles, achieving goals and many other great things. Athletes and sales professionals are using his systems to achieve, consistent, peak athletic and sales performance. Scott is co-author of the book, Stepping Stones to Success, along with Jack Canfield , Deepak Chopra and Dr. Denis Waitley. Scott’s forthcoming book is entitled, “Your Ultimate Visionary Mind: Transforming Your Life in 30 Minutes a Day.”

 Scott Schmaren, 847-331-5848

scott@ultimatevisionarymind.com

www.UltimateVisionaryMind.com

The Secret to Success!!!

People are always looking to the “Secret” to success, that “Magic Pill” that will transform you into something great! The success you want can be anything; losing weight, growing your business, being a great partner or parent, anything. So, where is that “Magic Key” where do you find it and why is it being hidden from you? They say the greatest place to hide something is right under a person’s nose and that is exactly where the key to your success is. The key to your success, all your success is already inside of you. Every resource and skill you need to be successful; confidence, discipline, hard work and all the others, you are already using in some area of your life, you may not even be aware of it. Once you become aware of those skills in your mind, you can move them over to the other areas of your life to accomplish all you dreams.

Here is an example: I had a client once in her late forties. She came to me because she claimed that all her life she had no confidence or self-esteem. She had been telling herself this all her life. I noticed that when she was telling me her story of despair, she was sitting tall and erect, she was projecting her voice with power and force and her body language was very commanding. She was telling how little confidence she had, very confidently. I told her that and she didn’t want to believe me and she became even more forceful and more sure of her story of no confidence. I had her freeze and look at her body language, her voice and her words. It was the first time in her life that she made the connection to herself, that she really did have self confidence. Once she made that connection all she needed to do was move confidence she had in telling her story to the other areas of her life. She was able to do that and she is now a very successful salesperson and has taken back her power in all the areas of her life.

So how do you capture your powerful success skills you already have and apply them to the other areas of your life? The exercise below will show you how to do that.

Homework Exercise

“Circle of Power”

Close your eyes and remember at time in your life when you were successful doing something (it could be anything) or something that you know you do really well. Now explore it: see the things you see while doing it, hear the things  you hear while doing it and feel the things you feel while doing.

Now imagine a circle on the floor in front of you big enough so you can step in it.

Take all the skills, resources and feelings you are experiencing doing this thing you do well (successfully) and take all those things and put them into that circle. You will notice that the circle will change color and you will begin to feel its powerful energy of your success traits coming from it.

Now step into the circle and feel all of your success from that thing you do well. See that way again, hear that way again and feel that way again. You will notice how different you feel. Standing taller, more focused in thought and confident in your ability.

Every time you need your success, power, strength and confidence…Close your eyes imagine that circle in front of you again, it beautiful color and powerful energy and then step into it. You will feel that way again and experience your success….Because….You are Amazing!!!

Scott Schmaren’s Bio

Scott Schmaren is a nationally known speaker, coach and author. He has spent over 20 years learning powerful success technologies. He has used what he has learned and created to transform his life, losing 180. He has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Scott’s techniques are being used for business, weight management, overcoming obstacles, achieving goals, stress management and many other things. Scott is co-author of the book, Stepping Stones to Success, along with Jack Canfield , Deepak Chopra and Dr. Denis Waitley. Scott’s forthcoming book is titled: “Your Ultimate Visionary Mind: Transforming Life in 30 Minutes a Day”.

Arlington Heights and Education Hubs Launch

HandsOn Suburban Chicago (HOSC) and Linked Local Network (LLN), as part of the Community Hub Network, have collaborated to launch two new websites focusing on Arlington Heights and Education.  The sites will be previewed on May 1^st at 8:30 am at the Forest View Education Center Theater in Arlington Heights.  In attendance will be Thomas Hayes Arlington Heights Mayor, Carl LaMells of Clearbrook, and Mike Fiel Director of Community Education at Township HS District 214.

These two new Internet websites are designed to share news, information and events that professionals can use to grow their organization, engage in community dialogue and create long-term, mutually beneficial relationships between business, nonprofit, public service agencies and education sectors.

There will be a short presentation on how organizations can get involved and an opportunity to ask questions. There will also be a virtual ribbon cutting. This event is free to attend.

For more information and to register visit:  http://ArlingtonEducationCHN.eventbrite.com.  Ceremony can also be viewed  online at the Linked Local Network Google+ Community by  joining the Hangout.

“What Do You Say When You Talk to Yourself ?” 

All day long we talk to ourselves. Are you even aware of that and what you say to yourself? Most of us aren’t. Yet at least several hundreds times a day we say things, comment, compliment, criticize and sometimes put ourselves down. The conversations we have in our head are important. They help define who we are and what we are? They are an important part of creating the self-image we have about ourselves. Unfortunately, if you are not aware of your self talk then most of it is probably negative. You know what I am talking about, you are doing something and you make a mistake and the little voice in your mind says to you, “How could you be so stupid?”. This self talk and commentary we have is happening all day long and until you become aware of it, you can’t change it. We become what we say to ourselves all the time. So if we are saying negative things to ourselves, our lives most likely reflect that. Where did it come from? Many times it comes from our childhood, growing up. We hear things like; Your… Stupid…Dumb…To Fat…Ugly…Not Good Enough…Worthless…Unlovable…and there are many more. Our subconscious minds are very powerful and if you tell it something enough times, it will believe that it is true…even when it isn’t. When we hear those negative words enough times, we start acting that way and the world starts treating us that way. Fortunately, if we say great things about ourselves over and over, we believe that we are great and the world treats us that way. Positive or negative either one is and can become your reality.

How do we change our self talk? The first step is to become aware of it. You cannot change anything that you are not aware of. Being aware of who you are, what you are and what you think are the most powerful tools of change. Without them you are forever destined to live the current life you are living. Today’s Success Homework will allow you to become; awake and aware of your internal dialogue and then be able to change it. What should you be saying to yourself? Look at the picture in this article, “Strength” read the words surrounding it, those are great examples of what you should be saying to yourself, all day long, everyday. You are Amazing…accept that about yourself.

Your Success Homework

Every time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, freeze, stop what you are doing and repeat these words: CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL…and then replace your negative statement with a positive one. Here is an example: You make a mistake doing something and you say to yourself “Am I stupid”….Freeze…say: CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL…”I am learning new things everyday and getting wiser”. Does that sound simple, it is. At first you will not catch yourself that much because you are not that aware of your thoughts. Soon you will be aware and you will be “cancelling” yourself all day long. Eventually you negative self talk will subside and you will think more positively and you will be “cancelling” yourself  less and less.

Scott Schmaren’s Bio

Scott Schmaren is a nationally known speaker, hypnotist and author. He has spent over 20 years learning powerful success technologies. He has used what he has learned and created to transform his life, losing 180. He has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  Oprah said, “If Scott can do it, I can do it and so can you! Scott’s techniques are being used for business, weight management, overcoming obstacles, achieving goals and many other things. Scott is co-author of the book, Stepping Stones to Success, along with Jack Canfield , Deepak Chopra and Dr. Denis Waitley. Scott’s forthcoming book is titled, “Your Ultimate Visionary Mind: Transforming Your Life in 30 Minutes a Day”.

“Fear is a Liar”

Fears, we all seem to have them, don’t we? Most of the fears we have aren’t real. They are silly movies we play in our minds over and over again, making them worse and worse. They are usually things that have already happened from our past that we wished we had done differently or things that haven’t happened yet, in the future that we make negative assumptions as to how they will turn out. If we focus to much thought and energy on these “silly lies” we tell ourselves, guess what, they become our reality. Another name for fear would be stress. If you really think about it, all our fears are stress induced and all of stress comes from our fears. Not a productive cycle is it?

Did you know that as human beings we are only born with two fears. The fear of loud noises and falling, that is it. Every other fear we have, is learned. Now some fears we learn are good. I think it is wise to fear running onto a crowded highway or jumping into an open fire. If someone is holding a gun to your head, you should be afraid but most of the fears we have are not real and sometime the get in the way of us accomplishing our goals and finding happiness and every other great opportunity in our lives. Many times we fear the things we want to have in our lives the most because they area different and unknown. Our greatest fear we have as human beings is the fear of the unknown or another words we fear “Change”. The great psychiatrist, Virginia Satir said, “Man’s greatest and highest need is not survival, it is familiarity”. Think about that. We will choose to continue with a bad habit even though we know it is bad for us and sometimes can even kill us ( Obesity,drug addicts and alcoholics for and example) even though we know the new habit will improve our lives. We are afraid and fear the unknown.

So, how do we overcome our fears and move forward in our lives?  The greatest thing you can do is be in the present moment, focusing all your attention and energy on what you are doing at the time. If you are doing this you can’t be thinking  about the past or the future which do not exists at this moment in time. How do you do that? The  homework exercise I am giving you today will help you be in the present moment and focus all your attention on what you are currently doing. The exercise takes about 1 minute to do, that is it! It can be done anywhere and I do it anytime I am going to do something important like speaking in front of a group, writing or coaching a client. You can do it to improving your studying capabilities or before you go to work. Use it anytime or place you choose.

Your Homework:

“The 9 Breath Exercise”

Find a quiet place (Do not do this while you are driving)

Close your eyes and breath in deeply through your nose (if you can’t breath through nose, your mouth is fine)

As you exhale out, let go of all your thoughts of things from your past (Repeat that 2 more times)

Now, breath in deeply

As you exhale out, let go of all your thoughts about things you have to do in the future (Repeat that 2 more times)

Now, breath in deeply

As you exhale out, focus all your attention, energy, thoughts and skills on what you want to accomplish now in this moment in time (Repeat 2 more times)

Open your eyes and Be Amazing!!!

Scott Schmaren’s Bio

Scott Schmaren is a nationally known speaker, hypnotist and author. He has spent over 20 years learning powerful success technologies. He has used what he has learned and created to transform his life, losing 180. He has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  Oprah said, “If Scott can do it, I can do it and so can you! Scott’s techniques are being used for business, weight management, overcoming obstacles, achieving goals and many other things. Scott is co-author of the book, Stepping Stones to Success, along with Jack Canfield , Deepak Chopra and Dr. Denis Waitley. Scott’s forthcoming book is titled, “Your Ultimate Visionary Mind: Transforming Your Life in 30 Minutes a Day”.

“Sometimes in relationships you just have to compromise.” You’ve heard that one before right? I had that conversation with a few parents recently and a pattern emerged.

They were describing compromise, frustration and at times exhaustion as they recounted outings with their children that were intended to be enjoyable.

As we dug deeper we discovered something I also experience. Often parents and their children have different temperaments. I move more slowly and want to take the world in gradually, my two younger boys tend to be full steam ahead. The other parents I talked to had a similar experience.

As a result their outings with their children felt like a tug of war of needs with one or both feeling as though the other were standing in their way of having a good time.

Then at the height of frustration a parent would announce, “Look, we have to compromise here.” Then a discussion would ensue about how you can’t have everything you want and you need to agree to give up a few things.

Does this conversation sound familiar? What tends to happen is that both parent and child walk away feeling as though they had a “less than” experience because they had to compromise.

Changing lenses

Might I offer an alternative to compromise that can make all the difference.

Compromise tends to have a focus on scarcity. Meaning that, “we both can’t have so one or both need to give up something.” The moment you have that conversation its important to realize that what needs to be a shared experience has become competing experiences.

Is this why you’re spending time together? Nooooooo. You’re spending time together because you want a shared experience. A shared experience with a child who lives at a different speed than you do most of the time.

So how do you meet in the middle so you can get your needs and your speeds to match a bit better?

By asking this all important question of each other as you plan your time together. Ready? “How do we take care of each other during our time together?”

This question shifts the focus back to where it needs to be, on each other. Our time together isn’t about the activity that we happen to be doing together.

Its all about us. We come first, the experience is second. If we both aren’t enjoying it, sharing it, then why are we doing it?

When we attend to each other as part of what makes our time together successful, it is difficult to get caught up in the me, me, me that can make compromise necessary.

What tends to happen then is a shift to the we that is the focus we wanted in the first place.

Thanks for being you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Brian R. King LCSW is a Relationship Breakthrough Specialist. His breakthrough strategies draw on his experience as a 24 year cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, A.D.D., the father of three sons on the autism spectrum as well as someone who lives on the autism spectrum himself. His books and seminars have garnered him worldwide attention for his innovative communication and relationship strategies.

You are Amazing!!!

That’s right your Amazing! It is important that you know that. In this column I will be helping you discover how amazing you area. You already possess inside of you everything you need to live an incredible life: accomplish all of your goals your dreams and visions. To find happiness, success, health, financial abundance and love. All these things exist inside of you now just waiting to be let out so you can live the life of your dreams. This is the vision I have for you and I think about it all the time, it gets me out of bed in the morning and it energizes my life. It is why I do what I do. The  purpose of this column is to take you through that journey. You will learn different skills and techniques that if you apply them to your life, it will change for the better and you will make your goals, dreams and your visions a reality.

My journey has been no different then yours. I grew up as the “Fat Kid” people teased me and called me names like; fatso, tubby fat boy, piggy and so many more. Those names hurt and they took their toll on me and I withdrew from the world. My social skills and my social life were developed by the refrigerator and the TV. More I was teased the more I withdrew and I buried myself in food. I used to find: love, comfort and acceptance. I would stuff myself trying to hide and then I would feel awful after. The more I ate the more I withdrew and the more I withdrew the more I ate and I this horrible cycle continued and I got heavier.

I remember in grade school in my gym class, every year we would do the “President’s Program on Physical Fitness” it was all week long and it consisted of things like push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups and all different kinds of “ups” I wasn’t good at. The part I dread and hated the most was on one of the days they weighed us in. My gym teacher was particularly sadistic and he weighed us from the lightest to the heaviest kid. I was always the heaviest kid. At the end of the way in day he would yell out, “OK Schmaren and anyone else who is left”, there was never anybody else just me. Everybody would and cheer. I was the heaviest kid in my grade and it sucked.

Over the years I withdrew more until I could not stand the pain anymore. I gave up on myself, I quit and I did not want to live anymore. So one day I found as many pills as I could and put them in a paper cup. I put the cup on my bathroom counter and just stared at for a long time, then I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw, nothing. I was empty and I had nothing left in me. I took all the pills and tried to end my life.

Some how, I survived and it was the turning point in my life. By surviving  I realized that I was here for a reason and you know what, you are here for a reason. I began to work on myself. Changing my values and beliefs, the perceptions I had about myself. I used powerful techniques that I studied, learned and developed. I changed my life. I lost almost 180 pounds and I found happiness, love, health, success and more.

Whether you are trying to lose weight, find happiness, overcome other obstacles and challenges in your, increase your sales, grow your business or become a better athlete, in order to do these things you have to Change! Everyday in my talks and the coaching I do I help people Change. You can’t get want you want out of life unless you Change what you are doing.  Every article I write I will give you simple and easy homework to do that will start the process of change in your life.

Your Homework for Today:

Take a spiral notebook and start writing your goals, dreams and visions. There are no limits. Ask for what you want. It is important that you hand write them. Handwriting them makes a powerful impact on your mind. We believe what we write to be true. So start writing what you want.

Until next time….Be Amazing…You owe it to yourself.

 Scott Schmaren’s Bio

Scott Schmaren is a nationally known speaker, coach and author. He has spent over 20 years learning powerful success technologies. He has used what he has learned and created to transform his life, losing 180. He has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  Oprah said, “If Scott can do it, I can do it and so can you! Scott’s techniques are being used for business, weight management, overcoming obstacles, achieving goals and many other things. Scott is co-author of the book, Stepping Stones to Success, along with Jack Canfield , Deepak Chopra and Dr. Denis Waitley. Scott’s forthcoming book is titled “Your Ultimate Visionary Mind: Transforming Your Life in 30 Minutes a Day”.

I had a meltdown yesterday. They don’t happen often these days but when they happen they happen big.

In my younger days I would have screamed and said horrible, hurtful things. These days, I collapse into tears, like yesterday.

The reality is that each day is very hard for me. My ADHD and Dyslexia are quite debilitating and even with the best accommodations it is hard to muster the mental energy to get through most days without feeling completely exhausted.

Last week was Spring Break and the quiet house that makes it so much easier to focus and rest when I need to was no longer available to me. I still had clients to serve and my three rambunctious boys had a lot of down time to fill. The stress built up.

I had several projects that required my attention including a new one with a colleague. I’m very excited about the new project but then I was confronted with a lengthy list of To Do’s.

A list my scattered brain with multiple processing challenges didn’t know how to prioritize, to organize, to analyze and so my brain simply froze. On the back burner it went.

Saturday we celebrated my youngest son Connor’s 8^th Birthday, where? In a loud bowling alley. We scheduled this a few weeks ago. We were there for two hours and when we got home I took a three hour nap.

Yesterday was Easter. I was exhausted, under slept and was hanging on by a thread.

We were invited to dinner at my in-laws, a small gathering but still something that would require a lot of attention. By the time we arrived I realized I had nothing left.

I found myself fighting back the tears so I walked out of the house to my car, opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat. Cathy followed and sat next to me. All she had to ask is whether everything was okay and I lost it.

I sobbed for several minutes with my face in my hands. When I removed my hands and opened my eyes I saw a stack of tissues sitting on the console that Cathy had placed there.

When I could talk I explained how hard the week had been, how hard I work to keep it together for everyone else and how I felt like I failed for not being able to stay strong.

Cathy looked at me and simply said, “We all fall apart sometimes.”

It was Easter and though I’m not a Christian I remember the story of Jesus losing his temper and turning over the tables of the merchants who were conducting business in the temple.

I practice Buddhism and told Cathy, “I wonder if there were days when the Buddha fell apart when no one was looking.”

What’s the lesson?

I don’t share this with you to elicit your sympathies. I share this because it’s another reminder that living with invisible challenges such as ADHD, Dyslexia and others are harder that most can possibly imagine. No matter how well it appears we’re doing.

I am one of the most positive people you will ever meet but there are moments I feel down, defeated, stupid and like a failure. The key word here is “moments.”

The key is not to allow those “moments” to accumulate. Last week however, I did, and they overwhelmed me.

I lost my sense of balance, I allowed my self-care to have a Spring Break and I paid the price.

Do you ever do this?

I am not superhuman, I am simply human.

But like every other human I am resilient.

I had a meltdown, I fell apart, but as I was reminded by my kind and loving wife Cathy, “We all fall apart sometimes.”

In those moments, we can humbly take the hand of another who can help us collect the pieces and put them back together.

After all, we’re all in this together, even though we sometimes forget.

Thanks for being you.

About the Author:

As a cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, A.D.D., the father of three sons on the autism spectrum as well as someone who lives on the autism spectrum myself, I’ve learned something very critical. That success in life has nothing to do with circumstances but everything to do with strategies.

I’ve learned that Fear and Excitement are the same feeling, the difference being whether you decide the feeling means that “I can’t” or that “I’m ready!”

I’ve become a master of turning Problems into Possibilities and Obstacles into Opportunities and I’ve learned to teach my clients to do the same thing using what I refer to as “The Effective Factor.” A laser focused ability to make small shifts that create massive results in every area of your life.

I look forward to serving you,

Brian R. King LCSW

630-778-3447

http://BrianRaymondKing.com

In our increasingly automated, drive through world the experience of customer service is a dying art.

More often these days we’re asked “Do you want fries with that?” by someone stuck in a scripted hamster wheel hell.

At our local grocery store we hear the same questions each and every time, “Did you find everything okay” and “Do you have any coupons?” Asked by an often expressionless cashier watching the clock until his/her next scheduled break.

There are exceptions of course, there always are and it is one of those exceptions that I will celebrate here.

My wife and I have the option of shopping for groceries at the local megastore that advertises the lowest prices which of course are offered at the expense of customer service and fellow shoppers who forgot their manners at home.

Then there’s the smaller, family owned grocery store. Its more expensive but the value far exceeds anything listed on the sales flier.

A little respect

My wife Cathy shared a story with me about an act of overwhelming respect, courtesy and consideration she witnessed while shopping at our local, family owned grocery store.

It was after a particularly heavy snow and she saw an elderly man leaving the store on a mobility scooter provided by the store for its patrons.

As he was crossing the busy driving lane in front of the store to reach the parking lot, his cart loaded with groceries, stopped as the battery died.

This frail gentleman attempted to stand and retrieve his groceries which he would then need to lug through the snow to his car.

Just then Cathy watched as the young man who was collecting the shopping carts from the parking lot intercepted the elderly gentleman.

This young man encouraged the gentleman to sit back down on the scooter. Then with all his strength he pushed the man, his groceries and the dead scooter all the way to the man’s car.

Once there, he placed the groceries in the man’s trunk and assisted the man into his car to make sure he did so safely.

Finally, this young man pushed the scooter back into the store.

Cathy placed her groceries in the car and returned to the store where she hoped to find the young man to express her gratitude for what she’d just witnessed.

She couldn’t find him but she did find the scooter, plugged in with a hand written note explaining that it was charging and encouraging patrons to select another one.

Who says the young generation is lost?

Where has all the attention gone?

I continue to have experiences in which I hold doors for people only to be greeted with looks of shock and expressions of gratitude when those I took the time to notice explain that, “No one does that anymore.”

I’ve noticed as well that we don’t seem to see each other any more. What’s up with that?

Where has our attention gone? To our cell phones perhaps.

Where ever its gone the result is that we’ve forgotten about each other in so many ways.

We act more like we’re in each other’s way when the reality is we’re each other’s company as we make our way through this life together.

I hope you’ll reflect upon this with me as I offer you a promise.

In this life I am with you. I see you and I respect you.

Thanks for being you.

By the reckoning of some I am a failure. Why? Simply because I use accommodations in my every day life.

I use a Kindle Fire HD to read books to me, and a text to voice feature on my computer to read my email.

I take medication for my ADHD without which I’d be mentally exhausted as I struggled to focus while others were just hitting their stride.

Might not sound like a big deal to some but an increasing number of parents, teachers and those with challenges themselves would consider this failure.

The measure of success

I’ve met dozens of young adults on the autism spectrum and with other learning challenges who are angry at themselves when they are unable to succeed in class or in life the way, “everyone else does it.”

As I explore this thinking with them they recall messages heard throughout their lives that compel them to, “try harder,” “be more motivated,” “raise their standards” and other beliefs that lead them to believe that learning along the road less traveled is the path of a loser.

The intention of the least restrictive environment is to include those with special needs in the mainstream classroom alongside typical peers so they can feel included instead of feeling left out.

The problem is you don’t eliminate feelings of difference by putting two people side by side without teaching them how to appreciate each other’s differences.

Adults are really good at having meetings and passing legislation to improve the lives of children then failing to educate the children on how to do their part to accomplish the goals set for them.

They are then subjected to a classroom culture that emphasizes process over product. They are taught that it matters less what you accomplish than how you get there.

Sure there are exceptions to this, but they are few.

The sins of the system

We have teachers and peers alike who define success according to what’s normal, typical and indistinguishable from their peers.

We have otherwise competent young adults signing up for social security in droves because failure to measure up to this standard leaves them feeling like a failure who can never measure up.

Even worse are those with debilitating learning disabilities like mine who adopt an even more crippling denial of their challenges and the need for accommodations that are the doorway to success. They instead settle for failing one class after another rather than risk the ridicule of teachers and peers alike for being different, needing help and failing to overcome.

A better standard

If we are going to all be held to the standard of the way “everyone else does it” then let’s go all in.

I would like to see the 64% of Americans who wear eye glasses to throw them away, we wouldn’t want them to become a crutch now would we?

Throw off those shoes and walk barefoot like your ancestors did you wussies.

Then again, perhaps we can do something else.

What I would love to see is a classroom in which students were taught to be problems solvers instead of test takers.

Where they are encouraged to find as many different ways to accomplish a goal as possible. Where success is measured by innovation rather than assimilation.

It is in this area that students with special needs will become the role models. They are champions of resourcefulness and technical innovation as they actively utilize creative problem solving that their typical peers may have never considered.

They teach that although the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, it doesn’t contain as many lessons or as much adventure as a wavy line.

Thanks for being you.

About the Author:

As a cancer survivor, adult with Dyslexia, A.D.D., the father of three sons on the autism spectrum as well as someone who lives on the autism spectrum myself, I’ve learned something very critical. That success in life has nothing to do with circumstances but everything to do with strategies.

I’ve learned that Fear and Excitement are the same feeling, the difference being whether you decide the feeling means that “I can’t” or that “I’m ready!”

I’ve become a master of turning Problems into Possibilities and Obstacles into Opportunities and I’ve learned to teach my clients to do the same thing using what I refer to as “The Effective Factor.” A laser focused ability to make small shifts that create massive results in every area of your life.

I look forward to serving you,

Brian R. King LCSW

630-778-3447

http://BrianRaymondKing.com